It has been an age since I last blogged and for a regular blogger that has been disconnecting. I love the community that is ‘Scottish island mum’ and we have shared much together over the years but this time I instinctively knew this was a journey I had to take by myself. So, in February of this year I stepped off everything and stayed off for some months. If I am honest I am not that keen to step back on, at least to some of my old life. There was a trigger, of course but that matters not. What matters is that I stepped off completely from everything except my family commitments and, in that time, I learnt more than I have ever learnt. I learnt about myself but I also learnt about people in my life and the wider world generally. I would recommend it.
My over-riding conclusion is that I have lost my way and, more worryingly, so has much of the society I inhabit. We all measure things using artificial measures such as money, power and status. Not only do we measure these but we clean onto them as if they were the perpetual comfort blanket. Money has never impressed me and I gave up status and power when I left my job as an academic over 13 years ago. Nevertheless, I get sucked into the norm that is controlled by these measures and that is disappointing. I am disappointed in myself.
Pete and I celebrate 25 years married this month and the children are buying us a tent. Goodness me, buckle up for the ride! I want to inhabit new spaces for fleeting visits and I want to do it as simply as possible so we are going to give wild camping a go. The west coast of Scotland fascinates me and so as the rest of our time unfolds we will be off in my new (to me) little French car to explore. Pete seems pleased at the plans but we shall see how we both feel when washing is in the icy cold sea!
I can just glimpse a time without the children living with us and opportunities to escape for a reasonable length of time but for now it will be odd nights away here and there as our lives remain too full to allow for anything else. Our children are our lives and we wouldn’t have it any other way. They are beginning to fledge and we need to be around to support them in this but we will soon be down to just the two of us……I am so not looking forward to this stage so my camping idea is a wee antidote. We shall see.
The period of disconnection has allowed sleep to return and a greater sense of wellbeing but I am not stepping back into my old life in its entirety. I don’t want some of it back. I have learnt that I like my own company – a lot! I have a house that is demanding constant attention and a new garden that I am teaching to be productive and not just for humans. I have a new crafting partner who is a very dear friend and I am excited about our shared creativity and I have a cat that I adore. Pete has a new job in the village that he loves so I don’t need to earn the money I once did and the children all have savings! Home school is done after 13 years and it is just Max working his way through his distance learning qualifications.
The worst thing about my period of disconnection was that I couldn’t sew. My hands had become so painful but I am now on a new treatment that is working really well. So my wee world is complete again. It is also full and I am not adding anything else to it.
I do hope the community that is Scottish island mum is out there and enjoying their own lives. Do drop me a message and let me know how it is going with you.