I can hear a whisper in my own future and if I ignore it it will build and build until it is a scream. The wonderful thing about a whisper is that you have to become very quiet to hear it and that, I feel, is the point. I believe that we all have the benefit of whispers into our own future from time to time but we are often too loud to notice. The loudness comes from the dashing around we do as we run in ever decreasing circles. The circles decrease as we go through a natural ageing process and it is part of the organic nature of living. Some days I feel that these decreasing circles are an impenetrable barrier and resistance is futile but other days see the edges bend as far as I can. That is something to do with inner peace and when this is achieved all is well with the bendy circles.
A whisper in the future is a note that is being shared with you and if you are wise you will listen. I spent my 20s and early 30s shutting any whispers out believing that the present knew best. I also stupidly believe that I could control my own future, I soon learned how foolish I was. In my late 30s my whisper had become a scream and I blamed my late father. He once told me that I would follow him in a decision to walk away from a very good career and change the direction of my life. I told him he was wrong and he just smiled. He died not long after that and I stopped smiling for a very long time. In this time I grew quieter so I heard the whisper on a regular basis and in order to start breathing again I turned my back on my career and moved my family to a small Scottish island, My father would be smiling then and I even allowed myself the faintest of lip curl.
Lately (and probably for too long) I have heard a whisper and because I wasn’t keen on this message I tried to ignore this one too. Will I never learn? This relates to a life long obsession with filling every second up and keeping incredibly busy. This strategy has had its uses in recent years as it has twinned with a bloody mindedness and together they have been very effective weapons in my campaign to ignore my long standing illness. But the whisper is telling me that it is time for a big change once again. This time it is rethink how I think and what I do to allow my days to come to me rather than to chase down every minute. I recently walked a 5k as part of a charity event and I did not know that I could do that and from that point on I have allowed the whisper to gain in strength and it is now positively shrieking at me.
Enough now with the time chasing, enough with the projects, enough with the ideas. Replace all of that with walking or one day your body won’t be able to do that anymore and it will be your own fault. Your illness will have won. Pretty strong for a whisper me thinks.
So I have already begun a massive clear out of my life replacing most projects with walking and some with swimming. I want to walk and I don’t want to have to depend on anyone else, ever. So what if it is painful. Get over yourself and walk Mrs and it is quite as simple as that. I have a brand new pair of walking boots replacing ones that are just too heavy for my ankle to support and I am walking. Hills are the worst but I am not avoiding them although it would be a stretch to say I am embracing them. I have shin splints all the time. I have a very bad pain in my pelvis and the pressure points on my feet are screaming at me. It would be around about now when it might seem sensible to question the authenticity of this particular whisper in my future….. That, however, is not an option. Walking means a quality of life that I am desperately trying to hold onto. If you have ever seen the film Forest Gump who will know that he didn’t know why he began running he just did. I have quite decided that I am going to take that attitude although I might draw the line at the excessive facial hair.
If anyone wants to join me I would always welcome the company but I also enjoy walking alone. ‘At last’ I hear the whisper echo around me. She is paying attention. Enjoy Mr Gump below.