Life in balance – a mix of the old and the new

Yesterday the ground was frozen solid and today it is as if spring is on its way.  We gain approximately 15 minutes of light each day now that the Winter Solstice is behind us.  I love to see the light return as I know just how much all beings depend on it.

Although Christmas day was lovely it has been downhill ever since and I am proper poorly now and so life gets a lot more challenging.  Things I could do a week ago I find difficult and sleep almost evades me completely.  I only mention this because I missed seeing my nephew and niece and they are now away on the ferry.  My illness means I miss out on things from time to time and I get cross.  I am not one of those accepting people who embrace their illness as part of their identity.  I don’t rock up to the doctors looking for more medication and sick notes.  Instead, I get cross and begin the plodding phase where everything might be a huge effort but it is an effort I am more than willing to make.  Life in bed with people running around after me doesn’t float my boat.  Today I ventured out across the fields and down the hill and all was going quite well until I tried to climb back up the hill.  I got cross again and made it back up the hill.

Regular readers will know that I am a huge fan of mindfulness and you might be wondering how being cross fits into this dynamic.  The answer is that it doesn’t really and I am a bit naughty pursuing this approach but I have to admit it works for me.  Somehow I seem to turn cross into energy and as that is what is lacking I take that as a good thing.  Surely it beats wallowing in self pity?

Over the past few days I have had the joy of reading some of your 50 fabulous things lists and yesterday I was all the way to 49 and smiling until I read number 50.  It read ‘get rid of my recently diagnosed but very angry cancer.’  It stopped me in my tracks and that is not something that happens to me very often.  We never ever know people’s back story and we should never assume we do.  This courageous and warm lady knocks the socks off my illness and I should do well to be reminded of it.

So I missed my nephew and niece this time.  So life is a little challenging at the moment.  So what, get over yourself mrs.

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The walk was full of blessings as I checked out my garden studio reminding myself that it won’t be long before I am back in it on a daily basis.  I stumbled across a dead and very dry branch and managed to get it back to the wood store for kindling.  The winter sun seemed a little stronger and Lottie managed to do the whole walk without running away.  Lottie is my very naughty Labrador.

Back inside I managed some chores and finished my thank you letters.  I have also managed to write to the first person on my 50 friends list and this is someone I feared I had lost touch with so that made that extra special.  All this is not a patch on what I would normally manage in a long morning but it is a whole lot better than some.  I stop at being grateful as that just seems ridiculous to me; sits alongside accepting my illness.

So life is a balance of the old and the new as we head towards new year.  I have my 50 fabulous things to feed my soul and I have my frequent, and always lovely, walks across the fields with the dogs.  I have a journal devoted to keeping me up to date with my progress through my 50 things and I will be adding a new page to this site soon.  It has been a joy to read so many of your lists and there are lots of us doing 50 new things in 2015 and I fully expect us to have the best of years.  No one mention illness….ever.

I am now off to write to my niece because I missed her and I love her and I think she would appreciate a wee letter from her auntie.  I would appreciate writing it.

Wishing you all a fabulous new year when it arrives.  I wonder what it has in store for us all?

Much love

Fiona xx

scottish island mum

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